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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24009727">Karkat can't sleep and a tune makes him think about stuff</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingAku/pseuds/KingAku'>KingAku</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tunestuck [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Character thinks about stuff, Dave is only mentioned but there is red feelings, Everybody wants to rule the world intensifies, Healing, Insomnia, Karkat is chilling, M/M, One Shot, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Indulgent, Short &amp; Sweet, Short One Shot, chilling, getting better, i wrote this at 2 am, kind of a song fic but not really</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:07:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,887</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24009727</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingAku/pseuds/KingAku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One shot, Karkat, a really good song, self indulgence. <br/>Hope you all can enjoy it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Tunestuck [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Karkat can't sleep and a tune makes him think about stuff</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>It was 2 am, I had a song on loop and this came out.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>22 years old, “Every Body Wants To Rule The World” playing in the background. It’s, uh, oh yeah, it’s 1:42 am. He can’t sleep, he hasn’t been able to sleep for a while now. Karkat thinks that not everybody wants to rule the world and the song is dumb (or at least that’s what he thought the first time he heard the lyrics), but also thinks how much he wants to conquer the world now while hearing it, he feels so motivated by it, it’s crazy, very crazy, music shouldn’t wield such power, but it does. And he is just powerless against it. He nods softly, his foot follows the soft rhythm, oh yeah, he is feeling it tonight.</p><p>But it’s late to be productive, it’s late to do anything, he can only stare at his phone, refreshing the same sites hoping something interesting pops up, while the same song, on loop sticks into his mind and heart. “I should hear something else”, he thinks, but he just lets the song play again. He can’t help it, it’s really good? “Tears For Fears” what a group name, he likes it, a lot. He might be hearing this tomorrow like the whole day till his brain finally gets sick of it. Meanwhile, he enjoys it. But, why? He can’t help but wonder about it.</p><p>
  <em>Welcome to your life, there is not turning back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Even while we sleep </em>
</p><p>
  <em>We will find You acting on your best behavior</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Turn your back on mother nature</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody wants to rule the world</em>
</p><p>He thinks suddenly about how nice this “old” music is. Heck, he doesn’t want to sound like an old man, and pretending he hates all modern music would be a lie but, <em>damn </em>this is really good, it has a special feeling, the rhythm has something, something that feels timeless, special, like they tried hard to be timeless back then, now people want to end as fast as possible, the depressive humor and memes is just a way to sublimate the pains of living in such chaotic world. That song, however, makes Karkat feel something pleasant. And speaking of nice and pleasant and just stuff that makes that serotonin get high, he suddenly thinks about someone that surely would love this song too. Dave would like it, he thinks. Dave does his techno shit and all, he even creates a lo-fi playlist just for him, and that’s cool and all but, Karkat bets he would certainly with no doubts whatsoever love this one too. Wouldn’t be nice if they both just hit the road, singing “Everybody wants to rule the world!”? He bets it would. They don’t have a car, or cash for it, but sounds amazing, one day that will need to be a thing.</p><p>Suddenly, this portion of the lyrics caught his attention:</p><p>
  <em>It's my own design</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's my own remorse</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Help me to decide</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Help me make the most Of freedom and of pleasure</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing ever lasts forever</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody wants to rule the world</em>
</p><p>This really makes him think about himself and then Dave. He doesn’t want to just show this song to Dave, these are lyrics, the lyrics he wants to “sing” to Dave, because a part of him—a really cheesy part of him—can’t help but feel he will get it too. Karkat never does the “This song makes me think about you” thing, and maybe is his damaged brain due to sleeping deprivation speaking, but he feels the urge to show this to Dave. He could just send the link, probably Dave is awake, but no, he wants to see his face, to be there when he gets to feel it. Karkat feels it could be a really special moment.</p><p>Special moments are his thing. He likes to do this “scenes”, setting moods, preparing the pieces so they all end up doing this movie replica, this potential worth of a book moment. He knows its cheating, but also likes to think is just a lot of vision coming to reality thanks to his passion and efforts. Thought its probably just cheating, he deserves to cheat and have all the good moments he can get out of his life. His life kind of sucks, he thinks his life is mostly bad, mundane in the best cases and hard and painful in the worst cases. He is a sensitive dude; he can’t help but to drown sometimes in glasses of water. He gets upset fast, but also recovers fast. If only wasn’t so intense things would be so much better for him. For example, he wouldn’t be as anxious, and he could be sleeping instead of thinking and worrying about so much endless subjects that lead to nowhere. He knows now that it’s a bad habit of his, but tonight its one of those nights.  </p><p>Of course, he knows his life isn’t all just endless shit, it has these precious moments of sweetness. And a lot of them wouldn’t exist if he was just “passively waiting for the universe to give a fuck and grant some decency to the fuck shit ton of massive fuckery his meaningless existence is”. No, fuck that. Of course, it can be hard sometimes to feel like if he isn’t the done plotting things and doing all he cans to make stuff happens nothing will happen for him. It would also be nice, he thinks, if things just happened to him, if those surprises were for him too. It’s depressing to view it that way. He is that person that makes all the plans to give a person the best day, arrange surprised and just have these small sweet details with others, but it doesn’t happen much other way around. He wishes he could maybe have someone like himself for him too, but there isn’t. He is the Karkat for everyone, and that’s sweet, because at least there is one of them doing these nice things. And that’s ok, someone has to do them.</p><p>
  <em>There's a room where the light won't find you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When they do, I'll be right behind you</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So glad we've almost made it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So sad they had to fade it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody wants to rule the world</em>
</p><p>“I’m too old to be thinking all this bullshit”, but he isn’t. He is turning into an adult, and this is the time to just reflect about this kind of things. Because the time to be young and just dream about conquering the world is over, now is time to start thinking and deciding what he needs to do to actually rule the world, his world. It’s the time to really think and sort shit out, and then just do what he can. He is getting better, he is working hard to repair his broken self-esteem, and to work his anxiety, the fear and all that holds him back. “You need to be strong for yourself so you can be strong for those you love”, it’s a little mantra he repeats himself every time doubt comes and makes him think there is no point in getting better if he is worthless. “It’s not about being worthless or useful, that’s not me anymore, I care about me, a little bit, but I do, and I need to do it for me, and then I’ll just keep being who I have been all these years: someone that gives too many fucks”, and he does indeed gave too many fucks, all the time.</p><p>
  <em>I can't stand this indecision</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Married with a lack of vision</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody wants to rule the world</em>
</p><p>Oh! He likes that line way too much “I can’t stand this indecision”, he can’t stand his indecision anymore, he can’t stand the self-pity, the irrational fears, the insecurities, the constant self-flagellating negative thoughts. <em>Do you want to be better or not? Do you want to be able to stand yes or not? How much time will you wait? For how long you’ll keep waiting to be saved when you perfectly know you are the rescuer type, not the one that gets rescued?</em> He asks himself sometimes. Of course, people have “saved” him, with the help and support he thought he wasn’t worthy of having. In the end, however, only him could really help himself. Nobody else. When you don’t get better nothing is enough, the void is never closed, because you need to believe it first to it has any effect, otherwise fears and insecurities dismiss it all, and get you into the abyss of the bad shit one tries to work with. It’s not that he doesn’t try. But trying to climb a mountain thinking negative things about oneself results in plenty of relapses. And relapses feel worse than the pain someone that initiates the healing process starts with. Of course, there is a long way to go, but he feels less and less indecisive every day.</p><p>
  <em>Say that you'll never, never, never, need it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>One headline, why believe it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody wants to rule the world</em>
</p><p>It would be nice to not need a thing in the world, it would be nice to just not care, to let go of everything, to sleep deeply and well every night. Karkat knows crying over stuff that isn’t just yet is meaningless. Dave always helps him calm down when things feel like too much. Dave is weird, Karkat feels like he is there for him a lot, but he also feels Dave is so strong is hard to help him. Of course, there is vulnerability in him, there is a soft side, a side that has endured pain and really harsh things. “I need him more than he needs me, and that’s scary”, he is the one needed, people tend to need him, so needing someone that doesn’t always need him back is so new and terrifying sometimes. He knows his issues are the ones talking here. If he accepts everyone, would it be so crazy to believe maybe someone else also accepts him? He learns to trust Dave and things just a bit more every day. “If Dave laughs when he is with me, I can feel… good, about me, about us, because then I know Dave doesn’t need me to just heal him or giving him things, he just likes to be with me because I’m me, because we can just be, and that’s great, its different, its… unique”.</p><p>
  <em>All for freedom and for pleasure</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing ever lasts forever</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Everybody wants to rule the world</em>
</p><p>All he does for himself, for others, for the sake of the good, for the selfishness of the happiness and for the sense of just making his existence worth the trouble—it makes him think he can conquer it all, all of his problems, all of his baggage, all that holds him back— he can actually make it, he can survive this life, this world and things will be alright.</p><p>Even if nothing lasts forever, he is making it count.</p><p>God damn this is such a good song.</p><p>And Karkat falls asleep, for some reason he isn’t nervous anymore, he feels like it’s ok. And its late, it’s time to sleep. Tomorrow he will show Dave the song, and maybe they both will want to rule the world.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I need to stop projecting on Karkat, someday, I swear(?)<br/>This is the first English fanfic that comes out of my head so maybe isn't so good, but I'm proud because I didn't used google translation, I hope it was fun or at least enjoyable. *Bows in spanish*<br/>¡Nos leemos luego!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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